Kick me out
I’ll go to sleep
My soul to keep
I pray it
Evade it
Why don’t I simply close my eyes?
Kick me out the door
And I will bother you no more
False sympathy
Stoking false confidence
And I sit on the fence
Undecided
Knowing there is no real choice
But to fall
Where I land doesn’t really matter
You don’t want me
I’ll try to fall somewhere else
But if I land too close
I will gladly provide you
With the tools to destroy me
Or at the very least
My heart
There’s a start
And in a way
The last part
Of what is keeping me
Sane/human/alive
You decide
It’s what you are taking away.
Is there any hope
That love is what I will see
If the only thing I can do
Is try my best to be me?
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
an explanation of sorts
so i finally have time on my hands today...thus poems...
to explain the last one a bit: i tried working that one out and couldn't quite do everything i wanted. essentially it's to be an argument with myself...and instead i'm left arguing with myself over whether or not i should have given up/accepted it as it was.
to explain the last one a bit: i tried working that one out and couldn't quite do everything i wanted. essentially it's to be an argument with myself...and instead i'm left arguing with myself over whether or not i should have given up/accepted it as it was.
Why Do You Wear the Same Jersey?
To self and sir;
You aren’t on my team,
You never will be
Why do you wear the same jersey as me?
You aim at my heart
Throw your cursed poison dart
Laughing you bask
In your vile villainy.
Why do you wear the same jersey as me?
You smile
Knowing I will fail to be true
To myself
And perhaps you can sense
That I long to fight the same war as you
For the same side-
The one that is against me.
Draw the line
Perhaps I will cross it
And put on your blood-stained jersey
The one you already wear
Marked with deceit
Covered in tears
Leaked from a broken heart
And I think perhaps
You are in the right
And I in the wrong
Desire wells up for me
To wear the same uniform as you
And perhaps lead the first charge
Against me
Dear sir;
I reply
Your argument is convincing
In the war to take place
I’m sure you’ll be winning
My defenses are weak
I’m sure you are right
Regrettably I cannot
Join in your fight
You’ll doubtless defeat me
And I might be set free
To follow the path
That my heart tries to see
I’m torn down the middle
Between you me and we
And again I must ask
Why the same jersey?
You aren’t on my team,
You never will be
Why do you wear the same jersey as me?
You aim at my heart
Throw your cursed poison dart
Laughing you bask
In your vile villainy.
Why do you wear the same jersey as me?
You smile
Knowing I will fail to be true
To myself
And perhaps you can sense
That I long to fight the same war as you
For the same side-
The one that is against me.
Draw the line
Perhaps I will cross it
And put on your blood-stained jersey
The one you already wear
Marked with deceit
Covered in tears
Leaked from a broken heart
And I think perhaps
You are in the right
And I in the wrong
Desire wells up for me
To wear the same uniform as you
And perhaps lead the first charge
Against me
Dear sir;
I reply
Your argument is convincing
In the war to take place
I’m sure you’ll be winning
My defenses are weak
I’m sure you are right
Regrettably I cannot
Join in your fight
You’ll doubtless defeat me
And I might be set free
To follow the path
That my heart tries to see
I’m torn down the middle
Between you me and we
And again I must ask
Why the same jersey?
Twinsanity
I am what I know not
Laughter and suffering
Are my drug
Tie this knot
And slip through my head
You jumble of thoughts
All for naught
Slowly killing
My sanity
As I fall
Laughing
Deeper into madness
Crying till I laugh
Laughing at the tears
That insanity sheds
Like blood
Of an enemy
Or perhaps my Caesar
Bidding me this
Commanding me that
And now with his death
Nobody left to rule
But King Anarchy
And his laughing
And his weeping
Masks
Like those in a drama
That play throughout the final act
As I steal the show
In my last dying scene
Turning into rebirth
Laughter and suffering
The twins of insanity
Dance hand and hand
Through the cars
Of my derailed train of thought
I need laughter to survive
I cry because it leads to laughter
For does not man
Laugh at that which is crying?
Laughter and suffering
Are my drug
Tie this knot
And slip through my head
You jumble of thoughts
All for naught
Slowly killing
My sanity
As I fall
Laughing
Deeper into madness
Crying till I laugh
Laughing at the tears
That insanity sheds
Like blood
Of an enemy
Or perhaps my Caesar
Bidding me this
Commanding me that
And now with his death
Nobody left to rule
But King Anarchy
And his laughing
And his weeping
Masks
Like those in a drama
That play throughout the final act
As I steal the show
In my last dying scene
Turning into rebirth
Laughter and suffering
The twins of insanity
Dance hand and hand
Through the cars
Of my derailed train of thought
I need laughter to survive
I cry because it leads to laughter
For does not man
Laugh at that which is crying?
The Swing of Things
How vague,
Life,
And those who live it
Running here
Driving there
Hearing this
Watching that
And doing other vague things
Some more…something…than others
I try to remember
The swing of things
As I take your hand
In its less-than-confident peer,
My own
And attempt to remember how to say
That one thing
And trying not to be vague
At the same time wondering
If here,
There,
Anywhere,
Is the time to be specific?
Back to the daily grind
Hitting the ground running
And sifting through the remaining grounds
Left from the coffee I refuse to turn to
For the one thing that might let me sleep
Knowing instead that this is impossible
As you dance through my head
Forever separating me from
The swing of things.
Wincing with fear and doubt
I release you,
Sending you flying back to the heavens
Where you so clearly belong
Praying that you will return
And smiling
Half a second later
When you do.
Is it because of gravity?
The mere fact that our hands still embrace?
Anything that I have done?
Or an attraction too fatal for my heart-not-blessed-with-a-healing-factor
To overcome?
Maybe it is that one thing
That I am too vague
To mention now
Maybe at some later point
Perhaps less vague…
For now I will remain a coward
Hiding behind a façade
A disguise,
A mask,
The pretense of something,
Anything
Any Thing
(You decide, I’m too vague).
As you spiral back towards me
I brace myself
For the impact that comes before a fall
Just like pride
And so many other things
Come before the fall
In the logical cliché world at least.
Again fear kicks in
Fear of abandonment
Brokenness
Something
And I hold you close
For perhaps a second longer
Than it would take
To be in the swing of things
Life,
And those who live it
Running here
Driving there
Hearing this
Watching that
And doing other vague things
Some more…something…than others
I try to remember
The swing of things
As I take your hand
In its less-than-confident peer,
My own
And attempt to remember how to say
That one thing
And trying not to be vague
At the same time wondering
If here,
There,
Anywhere,
Is the time to be specific?
Back to the daily grind
Hitting the ground running
And sifting through the remaining grounds
Left from the coffee I refuse to turn to
For the one thing that might let me sleep
Knowing instead that this is impossible
As you dance through my head
Forever separating me from
The swing of things.
Wincing with fear and doubt
I release you,
Sending you flying back to the heavens
Where you so clearly belong
Praying that you will return
And smiling
Half a second later
When you do.
Is it because of gravity?
The mere fact that our hands still embrace?
Anything that I have done?
Or an attraction too fatal for my heart-not-blessed-with-a-healing-factor
To overcome?
Maybe it is that one thing
That I am too vague
To mention now
Maybe at some later point
Perhaps less vague…
For now I will remain a coward
Hiding behind a façade
A disguise,
A mask,
The pretense of something,
Anything
Any Thing
(You decide, I’m too vague).
As you spiral back towards me
I brace myself
For the impact that comes before a fall
Just like pride
And so many other things
Come before the fall
In the logical cliché world at least.
Again fear kicks in
Fear of abandonment
Brokenness
Something
And I hold you close
For perhaps a second longer
Than it would take
To be in the swing of things
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Delving Into The Fake History of the Future...part 1
I sleepwalk through the day
And I’m too tired
To try for the few extra copper pennies
That come with playing the clown
And stealing a smile.
Instead choosing to sleep
As I walk
And dream
As I talk
And find myself
Once more ambushed by thoughts
Of the muse,
Of you,
Of fake histories of the future.
You are the catalyst
That makes loose ends disappear
At the very least of hopes
A thought
Powerful
Enough so to get me through the nightmare
I do my best to sleepwalk through
Exhausting myself
With walking
Even in my sleep
You make me believe
That I may be
That much closer to heaven
Closer to a place I can call home
A place I can call love
In a world full of pretends
All I want is for reality to be
Pure
And for that purity
To hold some trace of you
And I’m too tired
To try for the few extra copper pennies
That come with playing the clown
And stealing a smile.
Instead choosing to sleep
As I walk
And dream
As I talk
And find myself
Once more ambushed by thoughts
Of the muse,
Of you,
Of fake histories of the future.
You are the catalyst
That makes loose ends disappear
At the very least of hopes
A thought
Powerful
Enough so to get me through the nightmare
I do my best to sleepwalk through
Exhausting myself
With walking
Even in my sleep
You make me believe
That I may be
That much closer to heaven
Closer to a place I can call home
A place I can call love
In a world full of pretends
All I want is for reality to be
Pure
And for that purity
To hold some trace of you
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Angel
I play the music quietly today
Better to drown out my thoughts
As I ponder
How wings are attached
To the backs of angels
The better to assure
That yours are never taken
Like so many before you.
I would defend you
And let them scoff
At the idea of a beast
Protecting a beauty,
An angel,
You.
For what am I but a life
That will pass
As a wind through the grass
Or perhaps like a hurricane
Far less graceful
And loved by none.
Only the thought of a change
Keeps the candle of my life
And heart
Aflame,
The chance that maybe the angel
Will smile kindly on me.
It doesn’t really matter
How wings are attached
To the backs of an angel.
I only wonder so that I may
Be closer to you
By keeping you in my thoughts.
Curse my rhythm
Or lack thereof
I am but a plague.
And you,
You are the inspiration,
Softly spinning grace,
A candle held firm in the wind,
An angel,
With wings on your back.
May your wings stay intact.
Better to drown out my thoughts
As I ponder
How wings are attached
To the backs of angels
The better to assure
That yours are never taken
Like so many before you.
I would defend you
And let them scoff
At the idea of a beast
Protecting a beauty,
An angel,
You.
For what am I but a life
That will pass
As a wind through the grass
Or perhaps like a hurricane
Far less graceful
And loved by none.
Only the thought of a change
Keeps the candle of my life
And heart
Aflame,
The chance that maybe the angel
Will smile kindly on me.
It doesn’t really matter
How wings are attached
To the backs of an angel.
I only wonder so that I may
Be closer to you
By keeping you in my thoughts.
Curse my rhythm
Or lack thereof
I am but a plague.
And you,
You are the inspiration,
Softly spinning grace,
A candle held firm in the wind,
An angel,
With wings on your back.
May your wings stay intact.
As Countries Stray
Liquid feelings
Are poured out
Onto the medium
As I
Give in to the urge to
Brutally vanquish
The writer’s block that has been
My bane.
Fueled by
My drug of choice:
Music,
I inject myself with the twisted
Cocktail of tune
And retreat from the madness
Of the world that spirals out of control.
Though if man is in nature
Evil
Why does he give his heart
To God
But the devil must resort to
Buying souls?
Such the beauty of giving in to love…
Yet instead the desire for self
And sin
Give power to that which should not tempt
But knows nothing else.
What must we do
To return to love
In this nation of
Saints turned to sinners?
What must be done
So that those who follow the path
After that which is true love
No longer are met with ridicule?
My drug laced with this plight,
The beauty of the music that I crave
Stained with the echo of
Heartbreaking questions,
That which turns so many away,
Provides no answers
Only inspirations
As I ponder
Will it take more sadness and silence
Forced down the throats of our hearts
One too many time
To return us to what we were meant for?
Are we all just a tragedy away from insanity?
Are we all
Standing on the edge
Of the precipice we are born into
Fragile
Needing something so badly
That when the cheap substitute
Is torn from us
We simply
Fall
Off the brink?
Are we a tragedy away from insanity?
Or simply a tragedy from a violent return
To love?
Are poured out
Onto the medium
As I
Give in to the urge to
Brutally vanquish
The writer’s block that has been
My bane.
Fueled by
My drug of choice:
Music,
I inject myself with the twisted
Cocktail of tune
And retreat from the madness
Of the world that spirals out of control.
Though if man is in nature
Evil
Why does he give his heart
To God
But the devil must resort to
Buying souls?
Such the beauty of giving in to love…
Yet instead the desire for self
And sin
Give power to that which should not tempt
But knows nothing else.
What must we do
To return to love
In this nation of
Saints turned to sinners?
What must be done
So that those who follow the path
After that which is true love
No longer are met with ridicule?
My drug laced with this plight,
The beauty of the music that I crave
Stained with the echo of
Heartbreaking questions,
That which turns so many away,
Provides no answers
Only inspirations
As I ponder
Will it take more sadness and silence
Forced down the throats of our hearts
One too many time
To return us to what we were meant for?
Are we all just a tragedy away from insanity?
Are we all
Standing on the edge
Of the precipice we are born into
Fragile
Needing something so badly
That when the cheap substitute
Is torn from us
We simply
Fall
Off the brink?
Are we a tragedy away from insanity?
Or simply a tragedy from a violent return
To love?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Phases of Light and Life
Moon and sun
Sucking away time
Rule our lives
With no reason
And less rhyme
The moon is broken tonight
Orange
Playing the sun
Showing us the desires of our heart
Fantasy leading to art
Yesterday it was like a lamp
Without a pole
Giving us reason to believe
In being whole
Today it is as shattered glass.
Half the burning remains of celestial embers
The rest locked forever
In an explosion of heavens
Resulting in naught but dust
And dreams crushed
The moon hangs overly bright,
Overly white,
Beautiful light
Tonight the moon is gone
Nowhere to be seen
The remnant of a dream
That despite all the wishing in the world
Must someday die
The moon has returned this night
Like a shining white knight
Bringing back time
And with it
Hope
Sucking away time
Rule our lives
With no reason
And less rhyme
The moon is broken tonight
Orange
Playing the sun
Showing us the desires of our heart
Fantasy leading to art
Yesterday it was like a lamp
Without a pole
Giving us reason to believe
In being whole
Today it is as shattered glass.
Half the burning remains of celestial embers
The rest locked forever
In an explosion of heavens
Resulting in naught but dust
And dreams crushed
The moon hangs overly bright,
Overly white,
Beautiful light
Tonight the moon is gone
Nowhere to be seen
The remnant of a dream
That despite all the wishing in the world
Must someday die
The moon has returned this night
Like a shining white knight
Bringing back time
And with it
Hope
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